I am writing this blog for myself more than in hopes of an audience. I'm taking a page out of Dana K. White's blog, writing about what I'm struggling with in hopes that this will help me clear the struggle away and let me do what I actually want to do with my time and energy.
As far back as high school, I remember feeling overwhelmed by the number of things I was supposed to be responsible for. And some people would say it wasn't even an over-full plate. School, marching band half the year, weekly activities at church, and whatever chores and hobbies I did at home. But I remember thinking, "If I only had three things I had to keep track of, I think I could handle that."
Now, as an adult, I still often feel overwhelmed by the number of responsibilities pulling on my time, energy, and attention. And again many people would say it's not that much. I am married, but I don't have children or other dependents. We don't even have a pet at this time. I only work outside the house a couple of days a week. My health is pretty good.
But on the other hand, five years ago, my husband and I chose to buy an old house that required a full renovation, and we chose to restore it to its original look as much as possible. So that came with a lot of work for us (as well as our contractors). Although we were able to move into the house three years ago, there are still a number of cosmetic projects in progress. And a house and yard require regular maintenance, even when you've just renovated the whole thing. So every week I have some project I try to spend two days on, on top of all the household maintenance.
And though I say my health is good, I have never been an energetic person. Not a go-getter. Not driven (except for occasional bursts). I may have a mild version of ADHD. I sympathize with many of the descriptions of it--like not getting a feeling of satisfaction from completing a task, only a sense of relief that it's over. And having a terrible time remembering things.
My husband has a 9-5 office job which takes up much of his energy, so while he's happy to help with some of the household and yard maintenance, he has repeatedly asked me to take on the management of it all--keeping track of what needs doing when. He also expects me to do that with all of the house renovation projects. And I have to do it for our finances, including Roth IRA investments. (This was my choice, to manage those actively, but it can still be hard to figure out a good place to invest our contributions every month.) Then there is decluttering our many possessions (we emptied our storage unit into our living room and most of it's still there months later), car maintenance and repairs. researching large purchases, trying to find a better job situation, keeping up family and friend relationships, spiritual growth...it's a lot!
I'm not good at "a lot."
I get overwhelmed just seeing a long to-do list, let alone reading it. But when things aren't written down or otherwise visual, I tend to forget about them.
When I get overwhelmed, my response is usually to check out by watching YouTube, playing a phone game, or both at the same time. And then hours go by, and I don't feel much better, and I haven't made my situation better. So I want to try something different. Telling myself "don't watch YouTube today" doesn't work. So I came up with the idea of this blog as a way to track other things to try, to record any progress, and hopefully give myself a reason to get a little uncomfortable if that's what it takes to knock this to-do list down to a less overwhelming length...if that's even possible.
Today's Accomplishments
- Weekly volunteer shift (3 hours), signed up for future shifts
- Put new insurance card in car
- Paid a toll notice (before it was overdue!)
- Ran the dishwasher, put away some clean dishes
- Filed some papers
- Made a pitcher of tea, refilled ice trays
- Found a document we need for health insurance renewal
- Read some scripture articles
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