After feeling like I did a fairly good job getting things done last week, this week has been more of a struggle. Monday was fine--I worked outside of the house and had a successful day. Tuesday was harder. After volunteering in the morning, I came home and found that I had little mental energy to take on the tasks I had planned for the afternoon. I blamed the rainy weather and a stressful conversation I'd had with my husband at lunchtime. (He sounded frustrated with me because we hadn't finished discussing a certain topic and he wanted it resolved already.) I managed to do about half of my not-at-all-demanding plan.
Today, the weather is nice and my husband seems happy with me. I did meet with a lady for Bible study this morning, but it wasn't as draining of a conversation as it sometimes has been. But I still found myself struggling to get going on my afternoon tasks once I'd had lunch. I spent about 2 extra hours sitting and watching YouTube videos instead. I kept thinking about what I had planned to do. Some was straightforward and some was murkier but I didn't feel up for any of it. Finally I got myself moving, but there weren't enough hours left to complete everything I had wanted to do today (and again, it wasn't a demanding plan, time-wise.)
I could be the victim of hormonal fluctuations. I know other women talk about feeling an ebb and flow in energy and mood during their cycle. I have noticed that I have particularly low energy on the heaviest two days of my period, but I'm not there yet. And there are many days throughout the month when I struggle to do things. It's not like I have entire weeks where I naturally feel motivated and energetic. I have occasional days like that. Maybe one a week, if I'm lucky.
I think it is likely that my brain chemicals are out of whack and that I could benefit from help in that area. However, I once went to a mental health professional for evaluation, and her conclusion was that I'm just a low-energy person. No help or suggestions offered. I felt so dismissed and not cared for. Like, if someone was born with one leg shorter than the other and it hurt them to walk, if a medical doctor said, "that's just who you are," and offered no advice, he or she would be a shoddy doctor! I think this mental health doctor was shoddy, too, but I've been afraid to go see someone else for fear that I'll get dismissed again.
I listened to "The Peace and Productivity Podcast" earlier today, and one episode was "Define your Non-negotiables for Self-Care and Energy Management." The guest talked about doing a self-evaluation of what energizes you in four areas of life and incorporating some of those activities into every week. This is not something I've actively thought about, at least not lately, but it seems like it might be a beneficial exercise for me. If I "fill my tank" on a regular basis and also know that I'm going to do that again in the near future, it might be easier for me to stay motivated on getting things done. Fear of burn out is a big thing for me, such that I don't even want to get close to it. Maybe I can make a blog post about doing that evaluation.
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