Low Energy May Be My Biggest Obstacle

 After feeling like I did a fairly good job getting things done last week, this week has been more of a struggle. Monday was fine--I worked outside of the house and had a successful day. Tuesday was harder. After volunteering in the morning, I came home and found that I had little mental energy to take on the tasks I had planned for the afternoon. I blamed the rainy weather and a stressful conversation I'd had with my husband at lunchtime. (He sounded frustrated with me because we hadn't finished discussing a certain topic and he wanted it resolved already.) I managed to do about half of my not-at-all-demanding plan.

Today, the weather is nice and my husband seems happy with me. I did meet with a lady for Bible study this morning, but it wasn't as draining of a conversation as it sometimes has been. But I still found myself struggling to get going on my afternoon tasks once I'd had lunch. I spent about 2 extra hours sitting and watching YouTube videos instead. I kept thinking about what I had planned to do. Some was straightforward and some was murkier but I didn't feel up for any of it. Finally I got myself moving, but there weren't enough hours left to complete everything I had wanted to do today (and again, it wasn't a demanding plan, time-wise.) 

I could be the victim of hormonal fluctuations. I know other women talk about feeling an ebb and flow in energy and mood during their cycle. I have noticed that I have particularly low energy on the heaviest two days of my period, but I'm not there yet. And there are many days throughout the month when I struggle to do things. It's not like I have entire weeks where I naturally feel motivated and energetic. I have occasional days like that. Maybe one a week, if I'm lucky. 

I think it is likely that my brain chemicals are out of whack and that I could benefit from help in that area. However, I once went to a mental health professional for evaluation, and her conclusion was that I'm just a low-energy person. No help or suggestions offered. I felt so dismissed and not cared for. Like, if someone was born with one leg shorter than the other and it hurt them to walk, if a medical doctor said, "that's just who you are," and offered no advice, he or she would be a shoddy doctor! I think this mental health doctor was shoddy, too, but I've been afraid to go see someone else for fear that I'll get dismissed again. 

I listened to "The Peace and Productivity Podcast" earlier today, and one episode was "Define your Non-negotiables for Self-Care and Energy Management." The guest talked about doing a self-evaluation of what energizes you in four areas of life and incorporating some of those activities into every week. This is not something I've actively thought about, at least not lately, but it seems like it might be a beneficial exercise for me. If I "fill my tank" on a regular basis and also know that I'm going to do that again in the near future, it might be easier for me to stay motivated on getting things done. Fear of burn out is a big thing for me, such that I don't even want to get close to it. Maybe I can make a blog post about doing that evaluation.

Can Complicated Be a Good Thing?

 Over the weekend, my husband and I were discussing our current to-do list systems. As I mentioned in a previous blog post, I've been making use of Google calendar to plan out my weeks. One of the features I like is that I can put in a bigger task as an "event" and block out a certain amount of time for it. I also block out time for ongoing tasks like personal care, lunch, making dinner, etc. That helps me better grasp how much time I actually have in a day and avoid trying to do too much, getting overwhelmed, checking out mentally, and feeling like a failure. 

My husband thinks using Google calendar as a task planner is "too complicated." He wants me to write all my to-do items on a "master list " (quotes for skepticism) we have in a notebook. This is a system he came up with where everything gets written together--projects, maintenance items, next steps--and he uses various symbols to designate which is which. He also has symbols that mean "easy or quick task," "made progress on this," "urgent," and of course a checkmark for "complete." 

I resist using this list because its nature leads to it being long and therefore overwhelming for me. I think if I wrote everything on it that I need to remember to do later, it would become very, very long. It seems that I notice or generate a lot of small project and maintenance tasks that are fairly easy to knock out. (An example, I want to put new glazing putty in the final two windows of our house, but I'm almost out. I've got a post on social media to ask if anyone has a partial container, but if not, I've got a product to buy online. I'm not writing this down anywhere. I'm "tracking" it by keeping the tab open that shows the purchase page for the putty. I scan my tabs daily, so I'm constantly reminded that's an open loop. Once I give my social media post a couple of days to be seen, I can go ahead with the purchase.) 

If I wrote everything on one list, it could be adding five tasks and marking off three one day, adding four and marking off four the next day, adding seven and marking off five the next...you can see how you'd end up with lots of checked-off rows among not-checked-off rows, making it harder to scan, and creating even more of the "long overwhelming list" optic.

But I'm not saying my Google calendar is a whole system. It is good for scheduling future tasks, time blocking, and sending me notifications when my events are supposed to happen, but it's not good for keeping track of projects or small tasks that aren't "this week" urgent but shouldn't be forgotten. 

I've read the book "Getting Things Done" by David Allen and listened to a number of their podcasts. My husband also likes the system described in the book. But the thing I notice is that the GTD system can be quite complicated. David Allen himself talks about having a number of separate lists--the Someday/Maybe list, the projects list, the "at computer" list, the "phone call/text" list, the "waiting for" list, the "discuss with wife" list, and so on. The only time he advocates writing everything in a single list is the brain dump, just to get everything on your mind down on paper (or on screen.) But then he says to clarify what each item is and sort it among the lists. Then you review all the lists weekly, but on a day-to-day basis, you just refer to the ones that are relevant to your situation (e.g. the "discuss with wife" list only needs to be looked at when he is talking with his wife and has time to bring things up.)

I have talked with my husband about breaking up our master to-do list more, at the very least separating out projects and maintenance activities onto their own lists (and just put the next step in a project on the master list.) A long list that is only clear, bite-size action steps would be much less overwhelming than what we currently have. He has said that's fine, but I have hesitated to do it because I'm afraid he will think it's too complicated of a system and not use it. You might say "only one way to find out," but I dislike the idea of wasted effort. Maybe I need to think of it as making a better system for myself and not worry so much about whether he gets on board with it. 

A Semi-Successful Day

 Today did not feel particularly successful, but looking at what I did objectively, I can see a lot of improvement over past unsuccessful days. 

My motivation was low. This may be because I only got 6 hours of sleep, or it may be because I had a few big tasks that lacked definition on the plan rather than small, straightforward things to do. 

The goals were:

• Strip the bedding
• Wash & dry all the bedding during the day (a few loads)
• Wash some brushes I had used for polyurethane
• Put new glazing putty in one of our windows
• If time permits, work on cleaning up a wooden tray I bought to refinish
• Make dinner

I was able to get all the bedding washed and dried by mid-afternoon, so we can re-make the bed this evening. That was the most urgent thing to get done today, and I achieved it. Yay!

I also washed the polyurethane brushes, adding to that washing all the dishes in the sink beforehand (there weren't very many) and some fresh fruit I bought this week. Yay!

After that, I got bogged down. I was hungry and ended up having a longish grazing lunch during which I watched YouTube videos. I didn't get going on the window project until 2, where I had thought I would be starting on it by 11. My hesitancy came from a few things--I haven't worked with glazing putty since October, so I wasn't sure if I remembered all the steps correctly. I had to drag out the folding extension ladder because the chosen window is over steps, so that's a hassle. And I thought I might not have enough putty to even finish that window, so success was not a given. 

I got into the project a little way and determined that more glazing putty needed to be replaced than I had originally thought, and that the little I had left wouldn't be enough. I considered putting putty on only two panes, using up what I had, but it has to be painted after 2-3 days, and it would be awkward to have two panes of a window on a different painting schedule than the rest of the window. So I decided to call it quits on that project until I get more putty. 

It was around 3:30 at that point, and I decided to work on the wooden tray. This tray was originally part of a wood toy play set, but I found it for sale by itself at Goodwill. It's just the right size for our spice cabinet, which needs something to hold the spices on the top shelf. (Right now the jars are just sitting up there loose and you have to get on a stepstool and rummage through them to find what you want.) My goal was simply to remove the sticker, sand off the brand name and a couple of crayon marks, and coat it with fast-drying water polyurethane. Conceivably a project that could be completed in an afternoon.

Well, that giant sticker label on the bottom of the box proved to be a real challenge. I ended up spending about 45 minutes with Goo Gone and a plastic razor scraper removing it. (I recently discovered plastic razor scrapers exist, and I love it!) Then I sat on the porch and sanded for another 45 minutes or so. I ended up using a finer grit than I expected to make the tray as smooth as I wanted. At that point, 5 pm, I knew I needed to clean up my workspace and myself so I could make dinner. However, I spent almost an hour scrolling Facebook before I got in the shower.

Dinner (sausage, veggie pancakes, and sauerkraut) is now almost finished. 

I could say today was successful because I accomplished or made progress on everything I intended to work on. There have been many days where I couldn't say that much. But I also feel down on myself for the 2-3 hours I spent on YouTube or Facebook that could have been more productive. I could have finished that tray today. Or found some other useful things to do. 

I am wondering if I need to establish a tripwire in relation to struggling to start something. Is there a point where I should just say, "that's not happening today. Let me do something else useful instead"? My usual tactic is to try different things to hype myself up to do whatever the difficult thing is, but often it doesn't work or takes a long time to work. I would like to think more about that.

Thoughts and Successes for Today

Today feels semi-successful as far as time usage and accomplishments go.

I had my weekly Bible study this morning with two ladies. I always feel a little drained afterwards, partly from socializing, partly from the intellectual discussion. Today, I also got emotional at one point. Usually feeling drained means I veg out for a while, too long, really. Today, as the study was finishing up, I anticipated that I would feel drained and thought about what items on my to-do list could be done with low energy. I pinpointed two, and so I was mentally preparing to move into those tasks as the ladies were leaving.

I still took a little break to have a snack and check on my farming game (the kind where crops, etc. take a certain amount of time before you can harvest them. It encourages frequent but brief check-ins.) But then I got myself moving on one of the two tasks, which was entering receipts into our finance software. Our monthly financial review is this weekend, so that had to happen. After that, I can't say that I was full of energy or raring to go on my other tasks, but I made gradual progress. I did decide to move two tasks to another day that makes more sense. 

One task, clearing documents off my old laptop, was more complicated than I anticipated. I had left a bunch of documents in the Downloads folder so they were unorganized, and many had cryptic file names like a string of numbers or "archive."

I found myself using Dana K. White's decluttering method. First, look for trash. Based on file names, I was able to delete about half the documents. Next, easy stuff. Some of the file names made it obvious where in the organized shared drive I needed to move the files. Third, of the remaining stuff, take one item at a time, identify it, and ask "where would I look for this first?" This involved opening each file with a cryptic name and then either deleting it or renaming it to be less cryptic. The final step is "take it there now", i.e. put these files into the organized shared drive, but I haven't quite gotten there yet. Maybe I will feel up for it after writing this. There only 26 files remaining where originally there were over 100. 

Speaking of Mrs. White, I was listening to one of her old podcast episodes this morning as I puttered around. (Often I just like to hear a voice talking when I'm home alone.) In it, she talked about applying the "one in, one out" rule to time and weekly activities. This is a connection I recently made for myself, but it was nice to hear her talk about it, too. (If you're not familiar, "one in one out" means that if you add something to your household, you should remove an equivalent item to prevent cluttering up your place. So, for example, you buy a new spatula, you throw out an old, beat-up spatula.) 

When I have been filling a lot of my time with video-watching, game-playing, and novel-reading, it's easy to say, "oh, yes, I have plenty of free time. I can add that new activity in." But I have to acknowledge that the new activity is going to need some of the time that I've been using on leisure activities. That I need to make a real decision to give up some of that leisure time to make room for this new activity. 

A few weeks ago, when I was realizing that I'd like to get more focused on conquering the to-do list, I decided to take a break from some of my phone games. I have an old phone that I exclusively use for some puzzle games so that my current phone doesn't have that distraction on it. I turned off my old phone and put it away for an indefinite period so that I don't have the pull of those games on my time and I have more energy for accomplishing useful things. I do miss it sometimes, but I still have access to a few games on other devices that are less time-intensive, so I don't feel totally deprived. 

This post seems rambly, but I don't feel like changing it. So here's the TL;DR:

1. Success--I anticipated a period of low energy and made and executed a plan for how to be productive in spite of it.

2. Point of interest--Dana K. White's decluttering method works on computer files.

3. Learning--time is limited, a month/week/day is a container, there is only so much you can fit into it and still function, so make a point to take something out when you add something in.

The Google Calendar and the Reality of Time

I had a lot of coherent ideas for this blog post this morning. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to write it then. Now it's the evening and I'm tired from doing volunteering and errands all day. But I'll see if I can put down something worthwhile.

Yesterday was one of my work days, and I got off an hour early. Normally, I would come home and veg out with that extra time. But instead, I was motivated to take care of some things--washed dishes, ran a load of laundry, tidied up some things that were left out from weekend projects, and worked on my grocery list. 

Two factors motivated me. One was this blog. Even though no one is reading it at this time, the idea that someone might read it eventually gives me reason to achieve something worth writing about. Two was my Google calendar. In the past year, I started using Google calendar to plan my weeks. Before that, I had learned that if I planned out my week on a piece of paper, it helped me wrap my head around the facts that time is finite, some things need to happen in a certain order, and what my priorities are for the week. (I have gotten the impression that some people can manage their week without writing out intentional and detailed plans. I am very much not that kind of person.) 

Moving from paper to the Google calendar has a few perks: I can move tasks around as needed. I can represent how long something will take by making it an event. I can put in recurring tasks or meetings so I don't have to remember every week what happens on Tuesdays. (Yes, that can be hard for me.) And I can put in events and reminders for long into the future. (Example, when we changed our furnace filter, I put a note in my calendar about when to check it next.)

When I take the time on a weekend to plan out the upcoming week, putting tasks and events in with their estimated times, it helps me to see when the week gets full and impresses on me the need to use my time well. Without a written plan, with only a list or a vague idea of "things I could do sometime," time seems infinite and flexible, and it never seems real that something unexpected (Obstacles and Opportunities, I like to say) could arise and disrupt me. Therefore, I spend excessive time watching YouTube, playing computer games, or doing productive-ish things that have little value. And when the unexpected occurs, or I remember something urgent that I should have already done, I beat myself up for it.

The Christian philosopher C.S. Lewis has written about time and our relation to it in a way that resonates with me. "Notice how we are perpetually surprised at Time. ('How time flies! Fancy John being grown-up & married! I can hardly believe it!') In heaven’s name, why? Unless, indeed, there is something in us which is not temporal." His point was to say that God exists outside of time, and humans' various experiences of time (feeling it passes slowly or quickly, struggling to "manage" it, being surprised, etc.) is evidence that we have a connection with that God. The Bible describes an eternal life after death and I must believe that in eternity, time would either cease to exist altogether or have no meaning. I've sometimes wondered if my brain is already trying to live in eternity. 

I have introduced a few ideas here, each of which I think could fuel more blog posts. I suppose the point of this one is that, in order to conquer my to-do list, I need to work within the reality of time, and my current tool of choice to help me is the Google calendar.